


A Million Little Stars

by the_rossi_team



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Sad Cheryl Blossom, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 18:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19382803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_rossi_team/pseuds/the_rossi_team
Summary: Unfortunately,Cheryl and Toni experience a miscarriage.Even though it is hard for both of them,they still manage to go through this together.





	A Million Little Stars

**Author's Note:**

> grab some tissues cause it's gonna be a bit sad.don't tell me you didn't see that coming.

“Maybe she’ll have my eyes,” Toni giggles with her mouth on the swell of Cheryl’s stomach. Her hot breath tickles Cheryl’s skin and she can swear the baby is laughing with her.

Cheryl reaches down to touch Toni’s hair. “You aren’t the father,” she reminds her girlfriend lightly.

“Doesn’t matter. My endless love will provide genes, and she’ll be a combination of the two of us.” Toni rolls over on to her back, her head still next to Cheryl’s enlarged stomach.

Oh, how Cheryl wills that to be true. There is nothing more that Cheryl wants. If the baby could come out with Toni’s radiant smile and cute little nose, Cheryl would be the happiest mother on the planet.

But unfortunately that is not the way biology works, and Cheryl isn’t naive enough to believe that the baby won’t have some trace of him. It hurts, but she has grown used to pushing down the pain of the memories. After all, she has Toni. Toni, Cheryl, and the baby.

“How are you in there, Anny?” Toni coos.

Cheryl sighs. “How many time do I have to tell you? We aren’t naming the baby until she’s born.”

“I like Anny,” Toni pouts, running a finger absently over Cheryl’s porcelain skin.

“We aren’t naming her Anny,” Cheryl murmurs. She is quickly falling into the soft hug of sleep.

“I’ll go and let you sleep.”

Cheryl is already slumbering, and she dreams of a baby girl named Anny.

*

_“Toni, I have something to tell you.”_

_Toni remembers how shaky Cheryl’s voice was at that moment. The red hair beauty had her sight trained to the ground when one lone tear fell to the ground, and that was when Toni knew there was something seriously wrong. A panic ripped at Toni’s heart._

_“Before we were dating…I slept with Nick…”_

_Was the world crashing around her? Toni could swear she felt the gravity of the earth shift under her toes._

_“I’m pregnant,” Cheryl gasped between sobs._

_Toni could do nothing else except wrap her trembling arms around Cheryl’s heaving shoulders._

_It turned out that the world wasn’t collapsing at all. The only thing that was folding was how Toni perceived her life. Because the world would continue turning even if human life no longer existed, that would never change. But Toni’s world would never be the same after that moment._

*

“Look, babe, that’s her!" Toni points excitedly to the screen, where an outline of a baby flickers. Cheryl covers Toni’s hands with her own.

“We’ve had an ultrasound done before," Cheryl tells her. The other girl’s excitement is contagious and she feels a grin spreading across her features in spite of herself.

“Is it okay if I speak with you off the record for a moment, Miss Blossom?” The doctor rolls over to where Cheryl is lying. “Should I go ahead,or would you like your friend to leave?”

“She’s my girlfriend, and she stays,” Cheryl says somewhat sharply.

The doctor nods, completely unfazed by the harsh tone. “You’re quite young, Cheryl. I was just wondering what your plans were when the baby comes. You have options, you know. There’s always adoption. I just want you to know that this baby doesn’t have to be the end of everything, if you don’t want it to be.” The lady lets her hand fall on Cheryl’s arm. As if by instinct, Toni’s grip on Cheryl’s hand tightens. “I’ve seen situations much worse than this one, and they all turned out okay. You just have to let me help.”

Cheryl’s throat feels swollen, and she struggles to swallow. How many times has she had this conversation? More than she can count. She knows that Toni is looking at her, but she can’t bare the eye contact.   

“I want to keep her.” Cheryl’s voice is low.

The doctor considers this reply for a moment. “Yes…well,if you change your mind,we can set up an adoption. The process is very interactive these days.” The doctor hands Cheryl a pamphlet. “Please consider it.”

Cheryl reads the title: _Adoption And You!_ With a happy mother and baby on the front. She could gag. She can’t imagine a happy world where her baby is in the arms of some other woman. 

“I’m proud of you,” Toni tells her softly once they’re out of the doctor’s office.

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” Against her own will,the tears start flowing again. It’s a reflex — Toni wraps her arms around Cheryl’s shoulders and strokes her hair as the tears fall freely.

It occurs to Cheryl that Toni now has to hug her from the side due to the new growth of her stomach. This discovery only makes her cry harder. “I’m so fat,” she blubbers. She knows it’s ridiculous, but the pregnancy hormones aren’t doing her any favors.

“You aren’t, you’re beautiful,” Toni assures her. “You have a baby inside of you! Our little Anny.”

“The baby is not named Anny!” Cheryl cries through hiccuping sobs.

"Sorry, right,” Toni apologizes. “Our little girl.”

*

“We have to get this one.” Toni pulls a little Cinderella dress from the rack, displaying it to Cheryl. “Cinderella!”

“We don’t have enough money to buy things that she can’t wear out comfortably. ”Cheryl sorts through the clothes with her hands. “Like this, this is good.” She holds up a plain pair of stretchy cloth pants. “And they’re a bargain.”

Toni pouts. “Oh, you are no fun. ”Despite her complaints, she starts looking at more practical pieces. “These shoes are cute.”

“When are you due? ”A strange elderly woman asks from behind them.

Cheryl touches her stomach instinctively. "Four months.” Toni cringes in anticipation of the judgement that they were certain to get.

“Babies are little miracles,” is all the lady says before continuing on.

“You hear that?” Toni leans her head on Cheryl’s shoulder. “A little miracle.”

“I’ll consider it a miracle once I actually get to hold her,” Cheryl grumbles with a playful smile.

“Come on, let’s go get these checked out.”

*

Cheryl stands with her arms crossed in the doorway while Toni stretches on her toes to paint the very last spot of the nursery’s wall. “Aren’t you at least going to get me some water or something?” Toni teases. She walks over with her arms outstretched, beckoning for a hug.

Instead of embracing her girlfriend, Cheryl jumps back. “Your hands,” she explains. Toni glances down at her palms — they’re covered in slick yellow paint.

“Hang on.I have an idea.” Toni gestures for Cheryl to follow her to the paint can, where she lays one of her hands on the surface of the thick color. “And now…”she presses her hand to one side of Cheryl’s stomach. It makes a yellow print on Cheryl’s white shirt.

Cheryl follows silently. When she mirrors Toni’s action, leaving a picture of own hand on the other side of her stomach, she sees Toni’s intent.

“Now we have a shirt that will always remind us of this moment.” Toni grins.

Cheryl doesn’t care that Toni is covered in paint anymore. She runs for her girlfriend’s arms, letting her chin fall on Toni’s shoulder as they tenderly embrace.

“I love you. And I love our baby,” Toni whispers.

“I can’t do this without you,” Cheryl confesses.

“I’ll always be here, Cheryl. You know that.”

She knows.

*

The sound of Toni’s phone shatters the silence of her house.Toni’s hand groggily reaches out to grab it. She only wants to turn the blaring noise off and cover the room in glorious silence once again, but the name on the screen makes her sit up suddenly.

_Cheryl._

“Hello?”

“Toni,” Cheryl’s voice on the other end is rushed. “You need to come over now. Now!” Her words are coming out in a jumble, and Toni’s brain is slow to process the meaning.

“Where are your parents? Cheryl?”

“They aren’t home, please, Toni, please.” Cheryl sounds as if she is on the verge of screaming.

Wordlessly Toni stumbles to her door,dressed in nothing except a pair of shorts and an old t shirt. The cold air bites at her exposed skin. She turns on her car and clambers in.

She is sure she has never driven so recklessly in her entire life. She runs stop signs and red lights, speeding through the deserted streets. The adrenaline from the panic she feels drives her to go even faster, and faster still.

“Cheryl? Where are you?”

A very pale figure shuffles into the Blossom living room. It’s Cheryl, holding her abdomen. Her face is pressed into a look of pure pain.

Then Toni notices the blood.

“Fuck! Cheryl!” There is blood everywhere. It drips down Cheryl’s thighs and stains her sweatpants a horrifying red. “Come on,we have to get you to the hospital. Come on, baby. Just hold on. It’ll be alright.”

Her girlfriend says nothing as she positions herself in the backseat. Toni turns on her car, praying to every God that she knows that everything will be alright. The hospital seems so far away. Cheryl shifts in the backseat, letting moans and cries of pain escape her lips occasionally. For the most part, she is silent. Toni can see tears running down Cheryl’s cheeks, but there are no sobs, only empty stares.

*

The doctor tells Toni.

She wants to tell him that it can’t be, that there has to be a mistake, but she can’t get the words out. It’s as if her tongue has turned to metal in her own mouth. The fluorescent lights suddenly seem unbearably bright and she sinks to the ground, unable to form any other option of what to do.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says. But it doesn’t matter, because he’s wrong. Cheryl is in there, and she’s fine, and the baby is fine, and it was just something normal that happens during pregnancy.

Right?

*

They tell them they can make a grave for her.

Toni cannot imagine anything more depressing.

Cheryl hasn’t spoken in days.

Toni is sure that this is what it feels like to be broken beyond repair.

*

They go home. Physically, they are both fine. The same cannot be said for their mental states.

Cheryl stays at Toni’s. They spend their days and nights together, but they are empty shells of themselves, which makes it equivalent to being alone. Toni tries to hold Cheryl while she cries, but she always ends up crying,too.

So they hold each other and wish for time to spare them. Neither can picture living the rest of their lives. Neither want to. They simply want time to stop and allow them to wallow away in the hell that fate has built for them.

*

It is weeks before Cheryl asks Toni to help her clean out the baby’s room. They need to give the things away, Cheryl explains, and they can sell some of the bigger items.

They work on it for an hour until Cheryl can no longer take the agony of looking at pieces of a world that could have been. Toni offers to finish the rest by herself, and pulls down the next box.

It is filled with clothes that she had never seen prior. She supposes that Cheryl had gone shopping with her mother or by herself at one point - after all, Toni wasn’t much help in the clothing department. All the same, it’s strange that there were baby belongings Cheryl hadn’t shown her.

Toni pulls out the first onesie and reads the text scrawled across the front. _My mommies love me._

The next one says _two mommies are better than one!_

A large, burning lump is growing in the back of Toni’s throat. She had spent so long swallowing down the tears, but this is all too much. She moves to put it all in the donation pile when she notices the next onesie in the stack.

It’s bright pink, with flowers decorating the front. In the middle of the flowers in a swirly text is one phrase.

_A is for Anny!_

Toni buries her face in her hands. Even when she hears footsteps behind her, she cannot stop the loud sobs erupting from her body. She has never felt a devastation as shattering as this.

“I wanted you to be surprised.”

Cheryl’s voice from behind her was cracking from her own tears.

“I can’t believe this is happening to us,” Toni whispers. She furiously wipes away her tears with the back of her hand.

Cheryl’s hand is on her stomach. There is nothing there now, but the action still makes her feel comforted. She wonders if it always will.

“Will it always hurt?” Cheryl asks her girlfriend. “Do you think it will always hurt this badly?”

Toni stands and envelops Cheryl in her arms.

“Yes,” she answers truthfully.


End file.
